In my leadership training program, I learned that my value was in my performance, in my appearance, what I wore, how I spoke, who I knew.
I learned to be strong, to keep situations to myself ...... That faith without works is dead.....to be the example......and my whole life seemed to become a circus of making others believe I was who I thought they wanted me to be......
But no matter how hard I tried, I could never be quite enough.
This life never seemed to fit me quite right. Eventually, having to be dressed in "the right" clothes and shoes and make-up...the circles of gabbing about fashion and hanging on the words of those who "made it" started to seem so empty.... I was stuck -- I didn't enjoy who I was becoming but I couldn't even remember who I was before or even what I liked to do. ......
But scriptures started rising up from my heart.
Words like "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free"
Words like “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)
The shackles started to loosen and then, at exactly the right time,
I met true leadership .... I saw what I was supposed to be, should have been all along:
It came without masks, without fortifications, without expectations, without assumptions....
It came in genuineness, in humor, in humility....it came in love and concern and instant friendship.
It came in honor and courage
It came with someone seeing past my mask and reaching past my soul and into my heart.
It came without criticism or condemnation or comparison, without judgement.
It came with acceptance......
......and this leadership painted me a new picture of Jesus.
This leadership helped me see into the mirror, into my heart and it created a desperation within to be free.
Free of impressing others, free of projecting an image, free of the barriers around my heart and life.
Free of hiding. Free of loneliness . Free of the fear of rejection, scorn, or judgement.
I was screaming for someone to come close, someone to see me, to be a friend,
but even when i realized my need i couldn't let anyone in no matter how hard I tried.....I took on their problems, listened to their woes, gave them guidance, but had no one to walk me through mine. I only knew that I lived in a glass house and it needed to appear perfect. It was all about appearances. I was the dumping ground but had no place to rest my head......no one to speak into my life. I just knew I had to be the strong one,the example, the giver (who didnt realize she was so empty there was nothing left to give).
But every time I walked through the doors of the church, I received a piece of healing, more walls broken down, greater clarity. I met people who purposefully stepped into my life, who, without taking anything from me, spoke into my life and seemed to accept me just as I was...broken, burned out, confused, and fearful....they just spoke into me and gave me space i needed and grace...without expectation, pressure, or judgement. No one tried to fix me, they just loved on me and treated me like a friend, something I knew very little about.
And slowly, healing came...and wholeness is so close.....
I am so thankful to God for setting me in this atmosphere and opening my eyes
I thank Him for placing me in an atmosphere of love and acceptance and humility and grace....
a place where leaders reach past the mask and patiently and lovingly help lift it off, for good...
A place where words bring life and hope and wholeness, a place safe from he storms of life where healing can come.
I learned to be strong, to keep situations to myself ...... That faith without works is dead.....to be the example......and my whole life seemed to become a circus of making others believe I was who I thought they wanted me to be......
But no matter how hard I tried, I could never be quite enough.
This life never seemed to fit me quite right. Eventually, having to be dressed in "the right" clothes and shoes and make-up...the circles of gabbing about fashion and hanging on the words of those who "made it" started to seem so empty.... I was stuck -- I didn't enjoy who I was becoming but I couldn't even remember who I was before or even what I liked to do. ......
But scriptures started rising up from my heart.
Words like "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free"
Words like “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)
The shackles started to loosen and then, at exactly the right time,
I met true leadership .... I saw what I was supposed to be, should have been all along:
It came without masks, without fortifications, without expectations, without assumptions....
It came in genuineness, in humor, in humility....it came in love and concern and instant friendship.
It came in honor and courage
It came with someone seeing past my mask and reaching past my soul and into my heart.
It came without criticism or condemnation or comparison, without judgement.
It came with acceptance......
......and this leadership painted me a new picture of Jesus.
This leadership helped me see into the mirror, into my heart and it created a desperation within to be free.
Free of impressing others, free of projecting an image, free of the barriers around my heart and life.
Free of hiding. Free of loneliness . Free of the fear of rejection, scorn, or judgement.
I was screaming for someone to come close, someone to see me, to be a friend,
but even when i realized my need i couldn't let anyone in no matter how hard I tried.....I took on their problems, listened to their woes, gave them guidance, but had no one to walk me through mine. I only knew that I lived in a glass house and it needed to appear perfect. It was all about appearances. I was the dumping ground but had no place to rest my head......no one to speak into my life. I just knew I had to be the strong one,the example, the giver (who didnt realize she was so empty there was nothing left to give).
But every time I walked through the doors of the church, I received a piece of healing, more walls broken down, greater clarity. I met people who purposefully stepped into my life, who, without taking anything from me, spoke into my life and seemed to accept me just as I was...broken, burned out, confused, and fearful....they just spoke into me and gave me space i needed and grace...without expectation, pressure, or judgement. No one tried to fix me, they just loved on me and treated me like a friend, something I knew very little about.
And slowly, healing came...and wholeness is so close.....
I am so thankful to God for setting me in this atmosphere and opening my eyes
I thank Him for placing me in an atmosphere of love and acceptance and humility and grace....
a place where leaders reach past the mask and patiently and lovingly help lift it off, for good...
A place where words bring life and hope and wholeness, a place safe from he storms of life where healing can come.
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